(Josée's Note: So...I am home, playing Resurgence once more! And this game, as ever, provided some clear drama for Ali and her favourite Djinn, Nat. It all went a bit wrong, shall we say? Ah, and the slowly blooming romance was going so well!)
(Mood Music: "I am the One / Je Suis L'Élue" from Dragon Age Inquisition)
Past, Present and Future
Ali slowly walked through the long grass, her hands sweeping through the wild flowers that grew all along the river. She had made her way to Whitlingham, keen to put as much distance as possible between her and the rest of the world. On her back was a rucksack, and in her hands was a chain, her fingers running over it, much like a rosary.
She was lost in thought, her mind replaying the day's events. She had been so glad to see Nat again...it had been too long. Far too long. It had been just like the their first meeting, and Nat even reminded her that it was almost exactly a year to the day that they had first met. It had all gone well...until they reached the place they were meant to plant the bomb.
She hadn't seen anyone in her unit for years. After her health was questioned, she was quickly removed from active service and the team had continued much as they had before, only serving under a different person. So for Pvt. Peck to be stood where they were meant to be planting a bomb had seemed suspicious to say the least. She wanted to speak with him; find out why he was there, and what was going on...but the Imps...
She should have realised then. She should have known that Nat was in on it.
When he subdued Pvt. Peck, he wasn't doing it to make sure he was left alone. He was doing it to stop him from fighting back.
She sighed. By the time she had realised...it was too late, though she would only realise this later. Nat had beaten her old colleague to death. She had begged and bartered, pleaded and persuaded to the best of her ability. She had even wounded Nat in her desperation to defend her stricken colleague, fighting even more voraciously after he insisted that his actions were no different to her actions in the graveyard with the young necromancer. She had finally got through to him, and that was when the horrific injuries the Private had sustained were suddenly clear. She had taken his dog tags, and placed them in her pocket.
Her hands ran absentmindedly along the chain and tags as she ran it through her fingers, a lump in her throat. She had sworn to protect her men, no matter what cost; no matter what price, and she had failed. But not only that, she had failed to protect Nat from himself. Whatever price was on the Private's head was not worth Nat lowering himself to murdering him. Even if he wasn't exactly the most honourable of men, he wasn't a murderer. He wasn't. On top of this, she had failed to protect innocent humans from the dangers of the magical realms, one of the things that was under the remit of the Lumenatae. She had literally failed to stop everything she was meant to.
She had told Nat to finish the job alone, so aggrieved by his lack of empathy or care for his actions. The stinging pain she felt from the loss of her friend was only doubled by the pain of the betrayal she felt.
As she strode towards base, she spotted a lone Djinn in the woods. After growling at them to go away a few times, they began to converse. They had asked her who she had confided in; who she trusted. She had had to admit, it was Nat. They discussed the list of names that Nat had found in the Private's pockets; a list of military personnel all connected to her, several of whom were crossed off. They told her there were four more amongst the Wyld Mages, and she decided to join Nat...to try to stop him from priming the bomb. She was told he had been trapped, and that her new Djinn companion could bring her to him.
They battled ferociously, Nat falling and Ali having to rely on her ability to summon other Lumenatae to her side to keep her from doing the same. After reviving Nat, he revealed the bomb had already detonated, and her heart had sunk.
Five people; five allies, old friends...all dead.
After some prodding, she eventually admitted this to Nat, and the two of them had argued...she had been petty, mimicking him and repeating certain comments patronisingly. She had felt justified, but now as she sat by the river, she felt foolish. She had felt so full of pain, rage, anger, fear, spite, hate and loss that all the jibes and digs at Nat had seemed perfectly reasonable. She had let her emotions cloud her judgement too many times during the mission, she thought. She had turned her back on Nat and let him face the enemy alone; inadvertently allowing him to kill three others she might have had a chance to save. She was complicit in the deaths of the others, no matter how much that thought cut her. She couldn't lay the blame at Nat's feet for that one. He was completing the mission she had left him to finish alone, and almost allowed him too, to die for.
She sat by the river, breathing deeply. She had willingly injured Nat. Hell, she would have killed him, she knew that, if she had thought it would have saved the Private. Were her loyalties to her past really that deep? She wondered. After all, these people, she hadn't had any contact with them for years. She looked completely different and had injured many of them inadvertently through her own actions when she had awakened. Nat, however, had stood by her time and time again when no-one else would...would she really have put her unit's lives over her friend's?
She frowned, turning the dog tags over and over in her fingers. She needed to know who was behind the list of people linked to her. She needed to know how many of them survived and get them to safety...and then...and then...
Maybe then it was time for her to disappear. Maybe it was safer if she kept out of the human world. It wasn't her world anymore, and she feared that others would become targeted for knowing her like those she had served with were. She breathed out, deeply. Maybe it was for the best. She couldn't cause any more harm if she worked where she belonged now, back in the Lumenatae realm. It's not like anyone in the NDF would mind; she'd be out of their hair more than anything. And Nat...
She sighed.
She'd fear for him. She knew that. Could she really disappear with a clear conscience after she had seen him that day? He needed to know someone was on his side...and...
With a frown, she looked down at the dog tags, glinting in the sunset.
...Whatever Nat was caught up in, she had to help him out of it first. Murder was not Nat's nature, regardless of what he thought. When he was safe, she could duck out of his life and return to the Lumenatae. She half-smiled. A single real-life guardian angel act before she disappeared. For Nat. She could do that. Couldn't she?
She tightened her hand into a fist, feeling the raised wording on the tag transferring itself onto her skin with the pressure, the cool metal somewhat comforting.
Her past, was her past. Those in it were in danger. Step one, find them and get them to safety.
Her present, was her present. Nat was in danger. Step two, help him escape it.
Her future, was her future, and her future alone. Final step: Leave the past and present behind.
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