Lunetta di Sarvos [Empire LARP] : Summer Solstice (E3 2013) diary

[Josée's Note: This is Lunetta's diary from her first time at Anvil (and my first time at Empire LARP. As you will see...not all went well.]

Summer 377YE – Anvil : Friday

I’ve never been to Anvil before. Matthias and Reynard have spoken many times of the people they have met and places they have been, but I have yet to travel there myself. I’m not quite sure what to expect when I arrive, but if it is anything like the place Matthias and Reynard speak of, then I am sure to feel at home.

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It is a bustling place. Anyone without guides would surely get lost in the crowds. Thankfully, Matthias took it upon himself to lead me through the streets and explain which nations were where, who he knew, who he thought may be of interest…I’m not quite sure how I would have managed without him. I was glad to see the Carta Bellamarina here all together. I knew that many of them had been travelling to Anvil with Matthias and Reynard previously, but seeing everyone gathered together was still lovely. I didn’t have long on my own, though. Jared, a priest of Loyalty from Highguard caught up with me, and told me there was to be a gathering of the priests of Loyalty to elect a new Cardinal. It was lovely to get so stuck in so quickly; I had thought that I might flounder without Matthias standing by my shoulder, but thankfully that was not the case. Jared and I (alongside a couple of other priests) were able to gather together enough of the assembly to put forward the motion for changing our Cardinal. It was funny watching the Assembly get used to referring to us as “Brothers and Sisters” rather than just “Brothers”. I wasn’t aware that the Assembly of Loyalty was quite so male-dominated. Still, it makes me unique in the Assembly, which was unexpected, and means that I am the only member of the Loyalty Assembly who is a Priestess! Oh! And there is a wedding in Highguard tomorrow which sounds wonderful. I have promised to attend it in my position. How exciting!

I met up with Matthias after the meetings, and walked with him towards our tents. Somehow we reached the topic of family, and he said “I don’t want a wife or children. I will die on the battlefield, one day. I don’t want to leave anyone behind.” I didn’t really know how to respond…I wanted to rebuff him – if…when…he dies, it won’t just be his family who feel the loss. Does he not see that I will be left behind? That Reynard will be? That the Carta Bellamarina and all those he has met and shared hours, days, weeks, months, years with will mourn for him just as much, if not more than his hypothetical family? I don’t know whether he knows this but keeps it hidden away, so it can’t hurt him, or whether he honestly believes no-one’s going to miss him if…when…he does enter the Labyrinth. I couldn’t bring myself to say it to him, for fear it was the former reason. All I could do was reassure him; tell him that he had time to think on that stance, that maybe he would find someone, someone he could settle down with one day…and that one day, maybe warriors wouldn’t be needed – that he could retire. I know he won’t until there is truly no need for warriors…but that day will come. I know it will.

I am tired now. I should rest. Tomorrow, Matthias and Reynard take to the battlefield once more, and I intend to be there to see them out, and see them home again. I always pray for them before the battles – I cannot take to the battlefield with them…so it is the least I can do.

Lunetta.

Summer 377YE – Anvil : Saturday

Matthias and Reynard have left for battle. Reynard had his tea set out again, with his fantastic mixtures of tea and herbs, giving off the most wonderful aromas. Matthias seemed to wander The League for an age prior to putting on his armour. I don’t think he was trying to put it off, but I can understand if he was nervous. I know he has fought many times before…but I don’t think the nerves ever quite go away. Still, there is nothing more I can do for them now. All I can do is wait. And the waiting is worse than anything else I can imagine. Please, virtues, let them come back safely to us…

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There has been news. Rumour (and it is only rumour) says that Matthias and Reynard have fallen in battle. I am on my way to the portal as I write. I need to see for myself. I need proof – I need definitive answers, not rumour. I know hope is a false virtue, I know that…but…I can’t help it…there is a part of me that just…hopes they are safe. Oh virtues, please…please let them live.

Please.

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I…

I…don’t…

They’re…

Matthias…Reynard…

I’m…alone.

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“They were carried off by orcs. I’m sorry.”

That’s what their friend, Cormac, of the Navarr, said as he exited the portal. There weren’t even any bodies to bring home to the Carta. Both of them…just…gone. The two people worth more to me than my own life…gone. Off to the Labyrinth, with just the barest of goodbyes. I’m a Priestess of Loyalty…that’s the path I have chosen to tread, the route I have chosen to take through the Labyrinth, but…what do you do when the two people you would have sacrificed yourself in a heartbeat for are gone? What do you do when your reasons for living have been extinguished. How can I be loyal to those who are gone? How can I practice what I preach when those I am loyal to no longer join us on this Earth?

I should have been on that battlefield with them. I should have been courageous and taken up arms, fought alongside them; bought them time, found a way for them to escape – my life isn’t sacrosanct…I would have given it up in a heartbeat if it had even just a tiny chance of allowing them to survive.

I have told the Carta Bellamarina. Everyone seems as numb as I wish I could feel. I have walked away, I need space to think…to cry…to…hurt. They died for the Empire. They died together. They were the epitome of Loyalty, and I was so lucky to have been there to witness it for so long…but I should have been fighting alongside them. No, I don’t know how to fight, I have no weapon, I have no armour…but I should fight. I need to fight. For them. I will take up whatever arms I can find and I will…I will…

I will find Jared. Quick…I must find Jared.

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I…hurt.

I hurt in a way I didn’t even realise it was possible to. Talking to Jared helped. I don’t make a point of walking up to people and spontaneously crying but…I think in this circumstance…it was hardly unjustified. Jared was wonderful. He’s the steward of the dead for his Chapter, so he deals with death probably far more often than I have, and he…was…just…

He understood. He…offered me a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen as I poured the hurt, the sadness and the pain out on to him. He reminded me that loyalty comes in many forms, that loyalty to the living doesn’t mean you can’t have loyalty to those in the Labyrinth…that you take those memories, those thoughts, those feelings, those…lives…with you, to the living that still need you. Matthias and Reynard can still live on, in a sense…in the stories, and memories and…lives of those they touched. I feel calmer now, but…the pain is still there…and I know it will be there for at least another season or two.

On my return to the Carta Bellamarina, Concordia stopped me and said they were hoping to hold a wake for Matthias and Reynard. I was in such a poor state that while I agreed such a thing was important and completely necessary…I was incapable of doing such a thing at that point in time. I…it pains me to say this…I ran from Anvil. The atmosphere felt heavy and suffocating…I physically couldn’t breathe. Like a coward…I ran. I could feel the tears running down my face…I couldn’t care. I had to leave. I had to go. I had to…run.

There is a small settlement…well…they are more ruins than anything else, but it is called Casca’s Doom, in Highguard, not far from Anvil. Once upon a distant memory, it was a Chapter built heavily on Loyalty…and seemed like the closest place to home, to Matthias and to Reynard. I don’t particularly remember my journey. I remember grabbing my travelling cloak and my book and pen…but very little else.

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When I arrived I was exhausted. I remember falling down upon my knees, sobbing upon the broken flagstones…and praying as if my life depended on it. I asked…no, who am I kidding? I begged for courage to continue on my path; to lift my head in pride and determination, for vigilance in defending and carrying the memories and stories of Matthias and Reynard, for wisdom in writing a wake that would not only honour Matthias and Reynard, but inspire those who attended, soothe their similarly broken hearts, lift their spirits, and bring about a feeling of kinsmanship in such a time of loss and pain. And last but not least, I begged for my Loyalty; for it to remain true and constant, to not fail me when I needed it most.

I don’t know how long I must have sat there in prayer, outside this village of ruin, bur when I awoke, I realised that I couldn’t run from my pain…as much as I wanted to. Wherever I went, however hard I tried to blot it out…it would follow me. It was then that I realised that the journey to Casca’s Doom was the first in a year that I had undertaken alone. That thought both saddened and shocked me. I hadn’t realised just how much time I had spent literally living in their pockets. There was a pang of sorrow as I realised that the journey alone would soon become one of many. It is with a heavy, but more directed heart, that I have left Casca’s Doom, and I am on my way back to Anvil now.

Lunetta.

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On my journey back to Anvil, I came across a young Highborn gentleman, who was on his way to Casca's Doom. He stayed a while and spoke with me. His parents were killed in the Battle of Karsk and he and his sister have been living in the Syrene Mountains since. It seemed like he had abandoned his parents when they wanted him to fight rather than craft or heal as he wished. I wish I could say I was of use to him, but my own state was hardly positive. Othniel, of Syrene's Whisper, walked with me some way to Anvil, and I promised I would bring him with me in a few seasons time. I don't wish to bring him with me when I...need to run a wake. I will be so emotionally drained that he will spend more time worrying for me than meeting new people and finding his place in Anvil. I have promised to meet him as I head back to Anvil for the Winter. I can only pray that no more tragedy strikes between now and then. He is of strong heart and good nature. I think he will fit in well in Anvil...but that is a thought and plan I must put to one side right now; I am close to the Bellamarina camp...and I need to steel myself for whatever is next to come.

Lunetta.

Summer 377YE – Anvil : Sunday

Returning, the Carta Bellamarina seemed almost shocked to see me return; relieved, but shocked. I found Jared, who had been elected as our Cardinal, and apologised for missing the wedding and meetings I had promised to attend. I knew that he would understand why, and nothing more was made of it. I have much time for Jared. While, as Priests and Priestesses of Loyalty, we are meant to be loyal to each other, Jared has more than deservedly earned my trust and loyalty. I hope he is aware he has an open door wherever I may be and a friend for life. He offered me someone to go to when I was at my lowest, and now I will return the favour should it ever be needed.

I met Tock, shortly after, the only just ex-Cardinal of Wisdom. He is a wonderfully bubbly fellow, and part of the Navarr Nighthaven group. We seem to see things in a very similar light, and naturally we became good friends very quickly. I have promised to visit Nighthaven more often next gathering, as they seem like a decent group of people, and Tock is a very fun, canny man.

The main thing on my mind now is the wake. I need to make it the best send-off that Matthias and Reynard could ever have dreamed of. I already have plans for a veil – I feel the need to show my mourning in a visible manner; they were my truest friends and this is not going to be lost on those who see me. It will be handsewn, every stitch will be a memory, every thread a story. My own, small tribute to them both. I don’t know if we will have anyone attending from outside the Carta Bellamarina…I know Matthias wandered around various camps, and that Reynard spent more time in the League…but…who knows. I hope we have some others turning up…I wold like to think that they didn’t just touch the hearts of the Bellamarina; their lives were more full than that.

Lunetta.