[Josée's Note: Ceinwyn was a Daeva member of the Lancea Sanctum. This is something of a prayer, or call for aid to her God as she returned to her haven in the crypts of Westminster Abbey. The "man she had to bind to her" was another PC called Christopher who she had blood bound to her because she couldn't trust him not to talk about what was going on. The "one who has killed their kind" was a character named Talon, who was constantly getting on her nerves and was something of a vicious, wildhearted Gangrel, and I can't remember who the low morality person was now...]
Troubles on My Mind
Ceinwyn contemplates her Faith, returning to Westminster Abbey
[This is spoken quietly to the sky, on Ceinwyn's long walk back to the Abbey]
What am I? Some kind of martyr for my kind? Lead to a destiny not of my choosing, but one I am forced by others to walk the path of?
I never asked for people to follow me or want to find me for their own ends or reasons unknown. I was nobody - a faceless Kindred doing what I pleased...when my Faith...lead my life to become of utmost importance to the whole damned world. And why? Just...why?
A Bishop told me I gave her hope and knowledge of the truth of the Essence Catholic - that sacreligious, schismatic group hellbent on destroying the Lance et Sanctum. How could that be? There is only one truth, that of the Testament of Saint Longinus, and of You, my Lord. Isn't there?
So far, my Lord has been great at giving me questions - but where are the answers You promised me and Your other followers? The wings mark me as one of Your chosen, surely - but have caused me nought but grief and pain. I am told by others - of the faith and not - that the fate of the world rests in my hands...but why mine? I was given a copy of the "Book of Nod" - that wretched heretical text - by the group "Cerberus", as it might "help me to understand"....but understand what, my Lord? Am I, like Saint Longinus, irredeemable? Longinus never asked to be damned; never asked to be denied a choice between heaven and hell. Am I Your new Prophet - to be damned for all time as not just a Kindred but as a demi-angel? Is this Your idea of a cruel joke, my Lord? To see one of Your followers - seeking nought but to be redeemed - be cruelly mocked and eventually destroyed?
You even decided that an image of my death should "bless" me, my Lord. What purpose will my death serve? What will my death accomplish? Must I tread the path that leads me to those steps? Or will You give me an opportunity to change the path of my destiny and the fate of my unlife?
I have so many questions my Lord...You killed those who accompanied me on my journey and left none but the weakest to tread my path with me...but You must know I cannot let anyone into my unlife? I tread a path that will lead me into ungodly places and eventually to my death...How can I let ANYONE - let alone a Heathen - walk that path with me, in the knowledge of the final scene that will unfold?
I am nothing but a Pawn in Your game of chess, my Lord, and You have left me to suffer alone. I am forced to place my trust in You even though I fear You have forsaken me to join the list of martyrs who have fought and died in vain in Your name. You place me with another who has tried to kill our kind, and with someone who has such low morals even Wolves could not pretend to be on his level. The last solace You leave me with is that man who I have had to bind to me just to keep his tongue from wagging. And though he may not have the benefit of social comfort...he is at least not trying to get as far away from me as possible. He seems kindhearted - somewhere deep inside...but I cannot help but feel as though I have taken a part of him just to get to that level. I can only pray that Your plans for him are nowhere near as dark and as cold as Your plans for me, my Lord.
Please, just promise me that, my Lord. Then I will go to my fate without question.
For Eternity Your Servant,
Eleri
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