[Josée's Note: Ceinwyn's moral struggles reach a new level. The young boy mentioned here is the same child mentioned in "A Grandmother's Tale", written from the perspective of his grandmother, another character I played in a Cerberus prequel, later that year.]
Turn the Page
Ceinwyn relives the night she killed her mentor.
I don't quite know what to do now.
I know, deep down in my hea...
I know what I did was right, regardless of where I know it from.
Ugh...this isn't going to make any sense if I start here...I guess I have to go back to where I was, and relive it from there.
After I'd returned to the house, Leo was talking to the others about Father Raphael; which was fine...except that he was suggesting Raphael was a slaughterer and murderer - even going so far to say that the two of them had both done it together. Talon - that insufferable man - was declaring his intent to find and kill Father Raphael every few seconds, which...as you would expect, didn't particularly endear him any further to me. First he barged in waving that stupid "Book of Nod" and presumed because he had it I would somehow be more keen to speak to him, and then he begins to threaten my mentor. I don't know if he's stupid or has a death wish, but either way, it's a very good way of making me even more loathing of him.
After Talon's continual "I will kill him" rant, Leo asked about the composition of our band of not-so-merry men. Christopher referred to Angus, himself, and I as "family". It was a strange moment...as I couldn't tell if that was the bloodbond talking...or if he really believes that...that I come into his "family circle". I have to admit...it was a nice feeling...even if it wasn't wholly of his choice. If I hadn't been around everyone else...I think I might just have hugged him.
The girl we saved, Mary, came down. She looked just as nervy as she had been when we first got her out of the Ordo Chapter House. Christopher tried to calm her, but I'm not sure that was such a clever idea...as, after all, he had been there when the other Ordo were trying to harm her. I knew she had felt more at ease with me, so I offered to take her for a walk. I didn't want to be sat around - even if Talon had decided to go searching for Raphael and wasn't in the house. I felt trapped in there...as if I was unable to have my own space with that many people. It was also nice to have a chance to chat to another woman. Having that many men around the house - you can practically taste the testosterone!
I ended up back on the beach, still deserted...but not so alone. Just having someone there with me made it seem like a far less barren place...and a little more inviting. I let my wings show, as there was nobody around, and because I know Mary began to trust me more originally because my wings were on show. She did open up to me. She reiterated that she didn't trust the others and that she had no understanding of the situation she was in. I gave her a hug, something that Kindred seem to rarely do. I tried to reassure her that Christopher - as at least I can partly speak on his behalf - would be of no threat to her. Trying to explain why without explaining why was difficult; I'm pretty sure she would have hidden back inside her shell has she known about bloodbonds. I told her of my siring, and of how I had got to the point of not caring. I don't know why I told her...I just...felt like she had bared her soul, and therefore I could bare some of mine. The hug we had seemed to go on for a while - though when it ended, Mary did seem to be more calm, as if her burden had been lifted slightly. I told her I would look after her, and as we returned, she seemed to get very close to me. There was always some contact between us on the way back - even if it were just a hand on a shoulder, her clutching on to my arm or holding hands. She seemed to need the contact; the knowledge that there was someone there who understood her situation.
Christopher seemed to get very jealous when I returned. I know that he is bound to me and that this is just an effect of the binding, but he really has no need to be concerned about her. She is a very traumatised, new neonate, and I just hope that my aid and being a friendly face will give her a starting point to develop and blossom into someone who - doesn't love what she is - but at least feels she can be of service in the capacity she is in. I offered for her to share my room for the day, and she accepted. She ended up cuddled up next to me through the night, and while it was unusual to not only be sharing a bad, but also with another woman and one who was so clingy; to know I was helping her through her trauma almost convinced me that maybe my time is not yet up.
The next night, Christopher wanted to show us some work he was doing. Talon had - yet again - disappeared off to go find Raphael. It all involved a lot of science and some really bright lights and lasers, and - if you couldn't tell - I'm no weapons expert. I did, however, have Dr. Carmine's laptop. There was a file called "TALOS.pdf" which contained all sorts of scanned paperwork from top secret archives from the 1940's at Bletchley Park. It looked like TALOS was a weapons programme running, with Alan Turing and Tobias Vaughn. When they were mentioned, mentions of "Awakened" kept appearing. The mages seemed to be helping the allies during the war. I told Christopher and Leo this, before Angus pulled me aside and asked to see the Book of Nod.
I took him down to my room and sat with him as he looked through. We kept discussing things and trying to figure out what it could mean. The word "Gehenna" always appeared and there was mention of the "Lord of Heaven returning to cast judgement". The Crone would get revenge on Cain's childe.
Getting concerned about Talon's jaunt (which had now had Leo also join it), I decided to try and find Raphael myself...and I managed it.
I could feel his beast from a distance away, and it lead me to a house...or rather, below a house. I tried to force my way through the door, to no avail, so I climbed in through a back window. The house seemed deserted, and I found myself trying to get into the cellar. As I climbed down the stairs...there was Raphael...and he was torturing a family. I could see a young boy - he couldn't have been more than six or seven years old - hiding, as Raphael tortured his parents!
I know that the role of the Lance et Sanctum is to herd Kine in the direction of the Lord's light, and I understand and agree with that...but I couldn't let him go on attacking those who were defenceless. Without announcing myself, I drew my knife and used my sorcery to create the scourges that have become synonymous with my name. With no warning, I flayed him with them; the scourges raking his back, tearing his skin and the cassock protecting it. I don't think I've ever felt fury like it...
He looked enraged that I had done such a thing. He began trying to take the moral high ground, explaining that the boy would not sin in his life again, knowing the punishment his parents were receiving. The intention was palatable, but the commission of the intent was beyond anything I could have feared. I bit back every comment of his with a retort, and every explanation with a harder, more determined question. Shadows bound me, and I struggled to move much. Pulling my lighter from my kit for rituals, I burned a scrap of paper that Raphael had signed. The next thing I knew, Talon and Leo were also fighting Raphael at my side. Once I was free of the shadows - the lighter did well to remove them - I set about freeing the kine, and sending them upstairs with their son. I asked them not to do anything until the situation was controlled. The last thing we needed was for a police or Hunter squad to make their way down, as the Masquerade would be wholly breached and we would be seen as the perpetrators.
As I returned to the battle, the boys had done well, but things seemed to look up as I flayed him again with my scourges. Leo dealt the final blow, and we saw Raphael's body wither. Leo went to consume his soul, but I stood in his way. Raphael was my mentor, and he had betrayed me completely. I felt a right of my own to consume his soul...but I know the Sanctum decries anything of that nature. Leo kept shouting and ranting at me, which stunned me, and hurt. Leo and I had seemed to be getting on well until then. Still, I guess it still proves I'm a bad judge of character. Setting my hopes on Christopher to stop the others from going towards the body, I returned to the room upstairs.
Angus was making tea, trying to soothe the family. The boy was the most alert of them all, and he looked petrified. I handed him a cup of tea. I didn't really know what to say, so I said...despite it sounding clichéd and stupid..."Be brave. Be brave for me." He puffed his chest out slightly and nodded. He seemed to see the wings, as he kept staring slightly beyond me. I wasn't going to drop my obfuscate, though...I don't think his parents would have survived yet another shock.
Angus and I both whispered our concerns about the masquerade, and - after what seemed like a small gunfight down in the cellar - Leo and Talon left to find a couple of people skilled in Dominate. They dealt with the parents...though they may have left the boy...and we returned home.
Or at least...Christopher and I returned home. With Raphael's body.
Laying Raphael's decaying body on the table in the main room...I knew I only had one option. There was no way of reviving him, and no way to restrain him if we did. I didn't want to diablerise him...so final death seemed like the only choice. I used my ceremonial knife - despite his shortcomings, he was a member of the Sanctified - to cut off his head. I knew Leo and probably Talon would probably try to do the same to me when they returned...but it was the only safe thing to do.
I rang the Archbishop in Canterbury, and told him of Raphael's sad, sad demise in a far away town. He wanted me to return to Canterbury so he could take the title of Inquisitor away after I told him I felt it was the wrong title for me...and then I admitted I no longer wanted my place in the Lancea Sanctum. The erasal of my membership was quick, and I was told in no uncertain terms to remain out of contact for eternity. I don't know why, but it was a relief. I didn't need to be focussing on that, especially after I had sent my own mentor to final death. I had killed another Sanctified. I didn't deserve to be part of the covenant...and the covenant wasn't necessarily right for me anymore, anyway.
As Leo and Talon arrived, the phone rang. Talon answered it and then hung up, quickly without saying a word. It rang once more and someone asked for me. Hesitantly, I took the receiver. It was Carmine - the man I had believed to be dead in Thetford Forest. He told me to meet him in the fog. That was it. Meet him in the fog. That really doesn't sound ominous at all.
Next thing I knew, Leo had entered the room where I had been with Raphael. His yell at me reached my ears quickly, and I walked in. He asked if the pile of dust was who he thought it was. My flippant response yielded just another snarl and a burst of angrily worded questions. Eventually, Leo calmed, and agreed that maybe my actions were for the best. Somewhat surprisingly, he then went on to suggest that I was a good leader...a leader who could be trusted with authority. Considering the amount of time he had spent yelling and ranting and disagreeing with me over the course of a single evening, it scares me to think how he behaves towards someone he considers unworthy to hold the power they do.
Now...I just need to find out where my tale is leading to. And why has this prophecy of my death not yet been fulfilled...?
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